Know your rights part 3: using policies to help you
Okay, knowing all these policies is great and all, but you might be thinking, “but what can I do if my child is not being treated fairly at school and the policies are not being followed?”
I interviewed a friend of mine, Joe Crawford, who is the assistant superintendent in the Derry school district. I asked him that exact question, and he said, “Many policies lay out a grievance procedure, so it is important to review the specific policy and look for a section related to grievances.“ So, if you find yourself in a situation where you want to take action, here are a few tips to keep in mind.
Tip 1: Follow chain of command
It’s important to start with building level leadership. That is likely an assistant principal or the principal. If you don’t like the response or it feels like you need to take it further, go up the chain to the Superintendent, the district Title IX coordinator (if that applies), and then the school board. Barring all that, you can even move up to the state Department of Education if you’re still not getting results.
Tip 2: Put it in writing
It can sure feel tempting to call the school when you’re mad and let the mama bear rage at the first person who picks up the phone. While that might feel good at the moment, to get results, you need to put stuff in writing. Email is your friend! If you are the type of person who prefers a phone call, that’s totally okay, but after the call, send a follow up email summarizing the stuff you talked about. Keeping a record is important just in case you need to move up the chain of command, and it puts a little pressure on school leaders to follow up if there is a paper trail.
Tip 3: Get specific, get emotional, say it like you mean it, but don’t be a jerk
When my kid was getting bullied at school, I got really emotional. That’s not necessarily a bad thing! It’s important to show that the bad stuff that is happening is having a negative effect on your kid, so when you call and/or email, make sure you explain exactly what is going on with specific examples. Use emotional language like “I am scared for my child” or “my child is terrified to go to school”, but don’t let that turn into personal attacks on the school leaders. While you might want to tell the principal that they are poopy-head (I know you might say something different, but this is a family friendly blog), it would be easier to dismiss your concerns if you go down that route. Try to believe that your school leaders want to help.
Tip 4: Follow up and stay on top of it
After that first email, make sure you circle back in a couple of days and request an update about your concern. For things like bullying, schools have a very strict procedure to follow with timelines, so don’t be afraid to ask when to expect an update or a resolution, and when that time rolls around, be there with another phone call or email so your concern stays on their radar. I also find it really helps to ask questions like “who do I talk to next?” so that they know you are not just going to go away. As an educator, I can safely say that school leaders absolutely have a LOT on their plates, and while I understand that they are incredibly busy, it’s not okay to let my child’s safety fall through the cracks.
So, what did we do with our own child’s bullying at school? After following the chain of command up through the principal, we decided it was time to make a radical change. In my research on school policies, I found the policy JCA “Change of School or Assignment”. In this policy, it laid out how a parent could request changing schools in the “best interest” of the child. I learned the policy, I wrote my email, I got specific and emotional, I followed up, and ultimately, my request was approved. I was getting my kid out of there.
My husband and I really labored over this decision. We felt guilty for choosing to pull our child away from the problem rather than trying to fix it. In a way, it felt like we were cowards and quitters, but ultimately, we had to do what we thought was best for our own kid.
In May, I arranged for my kid to have a shadow day at their new school to help ease the transition for the next school year. He met some of his new teachers and attended a GSA meeting to connect with some supportive kids.
On the drive home that afternoon, I casually asked my son, “so how was the day?”
He replied, “it was the best day of school I’ve had in a long time. Nobody bullied me all day.”
In that moment, my heart ached and my eyes welled with tears because he and I both finally felt hope that school would now be a safe and positive place for him.