And then, sometimes it’s easy.
As I described in my last post, sometimes parenting a queer teenager is really hard. Navigating identity stuff like name and pronouns has been a challenge for us sometimes, but in the spirit of bringing balance to the force, let’s talk about the myriad times it was actually easy!
- School. When we enrolled my son at his new school, I asked the registrar about preferred name and pronouns. She gave me a very simple form, smiled, and said, “no problem!” Only my child’s legal school records have his dead name. His name on rosters, email, and online classroom are all his preferred name.
- Physical Therapy. When my son needed to start physical therapy for a joint issue, I called around a bit to find a safe practice. I was pleasantly surprised at how many had an easy process for using preferred name and pronouns, and the practice we went with has been incredibly welcoming and accommodating.
- Doctor’s office. At my kid’s last doctor’s appointment, he decided it was time to ask for gender affirming care. His doctor listened so patiently and updated his name in the records on the spot. Literally on our way out the door 15 minutes later, the receptionist used his correct name.
- Friends. In our social circle, our family’s friends made the shift with full hearts. Sure, nobody is perfect, and sometimes slips are made, but they all are doing great!
- Family. We are fortunate to have a very loving and accepting family. While this is not always true for all of us, even family members who we thought would struggle with the change surprised us.
Socially transitioning can come with a whole host of difficult conversations and awkward moments when we feel really vulnerable, but many times, people are kind. When we trust that people will respect us, we are humbled by how kind people can be. Sure there are jerks out there, but I firmly believe that they are the minority.
In your journey, I hope that you can find courage to trust and that your trust is well placed. There are great people out there, and once you find them, they can be an important thread in your support network.